It all startid the day I went to the baker to buy donuts for my mum. Acsholy, that dusent make sense because evry day is a day I go to the baker to buy donuts for Mum. My mum loves donuts more than her life. She is all weys sending me owt to get donuts, and pane killers. The donuts have made her quite fat. She carnt move much eny more. Jus from her piol of quilts on the settee to the kettel and back to her quilts again. She watchis reality TV most of the day. She thinks the pepol on the shows are her friends. I tell her some times that she might know them, but thay dont know her, but she dusent get what Im saying. She says ‘Sally-Anne, it dusent matter that thay dont know me, because Im not the one being filmed am I?’
If she was the one being filmed, it woudent be a very intresting film, as she dusent go any where, she jus sits arownd all day. She dusent even opern the windos, even on a nice day. When I get in, I often go arownd operning the windos to change the air, but she complanes at me.
I knew my dad til I was abowt six. Then he left us and got a new woman called Saffy who dident like me. She dident ever say so but I think she thort I wasant very clever. Dident like the look of me, she said. One time I was visiting and I herd her wisper to my dad ‘Get that freek owt the howse or Ill flip.’ She was the one who startid of the ‘Silly Sally’ thing. Finerly, one day when she said it for like the fith time, I stood my grownd and said, ‘Silly Saffy more like!’ back at her. She looked very anoyed. She terned her back on me, and arfter that day she made shure I never saw my dad again. Thay moved awey. Arfter that, my mum got sloer and sloer and fatter and fatter. She moned and groned abowt her back and startid on the Tramadol and the Codeine, and soon was eating pills more than she ate food.
My friend Jess sells bred at the baker. Shes kind to me. She woud baby sit me when I was littel and we use to cut owt pastry for jam tarts and make littel cats and dogs with the pastry. She is one persen who lisens to me. There are not that meny of them. Often pepol dont lisen to me. Thay tern there backs or thay say, ‘Shut it, Sally.’
This page, thogh, it carnt say, ‘Shut it, Sally.’ It dusent want to either. It is well coming and wants to know what I have got to say. And I fiyul that the werds go ferther than the page, like thrugh it and owt the uther side, and may be one day some one will read it even. May be some one who needs help and it will help them. Probly no one will ever read it, lets be onist, but at least I have put down my thorts and I will know that thay are in some kind of order, wich has got to be beter than the tangel thay were in my hed at least.
I am not very good at puting things in order, some pepol might say. But there order is not my order. You know, may be my sort of order is OK. Some times uther pepol seem so confidant to me. Thay seem so shure of them selvs, that you start thinking, ‘O my god, thay carnt be rong. Thay are so shure of them selvs,’ but then you think, ‘What if thay are jus good at prertending? What if thay dont know jack shit?’
And what with all the millyuns of things going on in this werld, and all the millyuns of years that this planit has been going, like rownd and rownd, how can eny one really clame to know evry thing, or eny thing even? May be I know as much as them…. no, Sally-Anne, dont be stupid, you are the one who knows jack shit. Do you even know who the Prime Minister is? Umm. No, I dont believe I do. But like, why shoud I care? Its not like I woud ever get to meet him, or like he woud lisen to eny thing I have got to say. I think its a bloke with short dark hare. I think I saw him on the telly, but I carnt member his name. Shit.
I know I shoud not use werds like that. Shit. But sod it. If no one is going to read this, then so what? I can say on here what ever I dam well like. Ha ha. I think I have jus under stood what it menes to fiyul free. I am free to put eny werd next. I can choos. I think I have jus felt what it might fiyul like to be power full, like a emprer or a prinsess. Prinsess Silly Sally, lol thats me. What werd will I choos? I can choos like eny one, owt of the probly hundreds or even thowsands that I know. Like ‘potty.’ Hee hee. Trust me. Silly Sally. No, lets think. I coud choos….its funny how it bicomes harder when you start thinking abowt it. Umm. dog. Pig. lefe. Parth. flower. bum. Eny wey, its jus some thing I have discuvered that is more fun than you think its going to be. If you have never tried it, then you coud give it a go. If you are a persen who like no one much lisens to, like me, it is a good fiyuling to rite things down. Like I am telling them whats what in here. Its like, Im getting in to a fight. Lol, you can magin me now waving my birow arownd like it is a sord. Stab, stab, thrust.
Im not that good at riting. Im slo. And some times I get letters muddeled up I know. But I can at least read back to my self what I rite, most of the time, so I figer I dont need much more than that, aspesholy if no boddy ends up reading it but me.
So…. I must not be, what is it that Duncan said I was? It startid with D, like Duncan. Oh, yes, he said, ‘You are the Queen of Digreshun, Sally-Anne, you are.’
And I jus laughed because it sownded funny and it was funny to be Queen of eny thing, let alone some thing Id never even herd of. But later he explaned to me what it ment. He said I like to go of at tangens. I dident know what that was either, so he startid waving his hands abowt prertending he had a littel car in his hand what was going rownd a rownd abowt and then it woud suddernly leve the rownd abowt in a big woosh and he woud say ‘See, Sally-Anne, its gone of at a tangen.’
Arfter he had done this again and again I said, ‘Yes, all right, I got it now. You dont harf go on.’ This wasent quite right as I still dont see why this tangens place has a Queen and why I shoud be the Queen. But what ever, some times Duncan says weerd things. Its like hes a bit skitzo.
And he laughed and said ‘Well, some times I have to go on a bit, to make shure youv got it.’
So that day, the day of the start of it all, I dident even know Duncan yet, I wraped my perple scarf from Primark and my grene spotty one from the markit rownd my neck and fownd my oringe mitterns from nere the dor, as it was cold owt being janury. All the way to the baker I watched my breth going owt into the air in clowds. In side the baker it was really warm and stemey. There was no one in there exept me and Jess. She all weys said the same thing to me. She said: ‘Sally-Anne, you shoud make shure your mum is eating some thing uther than jus donuts.’
‘I try, Jess, I try,’ I said. ‘She did eat a teeny bit of Heinz termarto soup and some cheese larst night.’
‘Yeah, then Im guessing she had donuts for pud,’ she said.
‘Yes, she did,’ I said.
‘You gotta try harder, Sally-Anne,’ she said. ‘Its not good for her. And she shoud try to get of them pills, its not good for her.’ Then she lent for werd as she parsed me the bag of donuts and wispered, ‘Wanna make a fiew bob, Sally-Anne?’
She is good at making muny is Jess. She all weys has lots of jobs, in the baker and baby siting and selling things at the markit. I woud like to be more like Jess and ern muny. So I said: ‘Yeh, yeh, I woud like to.’ A fiew bob woud be handy, as we get cold in the winter in are flat, and if its windy owt side then its windy in side to and there are patchis of damp and theres never enugh muny to tern the heting up. My mum is all weys under two quilts when shes watching telly, wich is like all the time.
Jess tolled me to go back at the end of her shift and she woud take me some where. So, I guess that was the start of it all. But, you know, this all dident need to of happerned. But then, if it hadent of happerned then I woudent know LittelBaby and that woud be a massiv tradgedy. I am trying to think…was it my folt that it happerned? Its not like Jess made owt it was a conplicated thing she was going to show me. She dident menshun that it might be some thing that woud change my life, and throw up crazy shed lowds of disarsters, right? Shoud I of jus said, ‘No, Jess. Im not coming. Im bisy.’ May be the problem was that I jus wasant bisy enugh. And if I spend to much time at home with Mum I get really bored as she dont ever move and I end up having to take her cups of tea and donuts like all day and watch those boring pepol on the telly siting arownd arguing.
So later that day, Jess took me to a plase on the uther side of town. We walked all the way along Mane Street, awey from the grey sea frunt with its massiv fomy waves, and took a right jus arfter the markit. We walked along a cobeled walk. Well, Jess walked and I skipped, of corse. The strete was lined with ever grenes and conker trees. This strete looks nice even in the winter, with grene privit hedgis and grene trees. I jumped up when ever I coud reche to hi five the frondy pine brarnches. In the summer and ortum I do it with the big flat conker tree leves. ‘Hi five!’ I said. ‘Hi five!’ I dont know why I have to do that, but if there is a big flat lefe or brarnch with in reche, I jus have to jump up and do it. It makes me happy that the tree has been said hello to, it is a happy tree. Me and the trees, we get on.
‘Sally-Anne,’ said Jess, rowling her eyes. ‘You are a nutter!’ But she smiold at me. She dusent mind me being a nutter. Thats why shes my friend.
There were grey stowne walls and nete littel frunt gardens with gravel. Jess stopped owt side a moden two story bilding with huj glars windos and two enormus pine trees in the frunt garden. Abuv the dor was ritten in large blak letters, ‘Suragusy Clinic,’ I think, I carnt member the ixact speling, and in smaller more slopy letters, ‘Wantababy’.