The pulling sensashuns startid to get more pane full. I wotched a bit of a movie in the cinema room but it felt better if I kept moving arownd. I tried to look normel as I was pasing abowt. It was a bit like quite bad periud pane. I wated un till thay got werse. I looked owt of the windo at the dusk and the thin sliver of moon low in the sky. Then I suddernly realised I had fergotten to get the stuff I needid for the baby.
I looked arownd me to make shure I was not being wotched, and went to the supplies room. I looked at all the shelvs. ‘Think, Sally-Anne,’ I thort to my self. ‘Think. What do I need for the baby?’ I took four wite baby blankits of a shelf and stuffed them in my bag. I grabbed a pack of disposabel nappies and a pack of wipes. I opernd a cubberd and took owt three tiny baby gros and a hand full of vests. I stuffed them all in my bag and zipped it up. As I was scurrying owt, I nabbed two packs of cottern wool from a trolley. I had seen babies leving the center with the pepol who had bort them. Thay were all weys dressed in baby gros, rapped in blankits. I thort I probly had enugh stuff for the ferst fiew days, then I woud send Duncan owt to get more.
I bumped into a nerse as I was coming owt of the room. She looked at the cottern wool in my hand with queschuning eyes. ‘Its…’ I stammered. ‘Think, Sally-Anne think,’ I said to my self. Then the voice came in my hed. ‘Say its for Tracy. Tracy sent you to fetch it. Her scar is weeping.’
‘Tracy tolled me to fetch some,’ I said, standing up strait and tall. ‘Her scar is weeping.’
‘Oh, yes…. quick then, Sally-Anne, dont jus stand there!’ said the nerse, ‘or sheyull blede all over the shetes and we carnt be having that.’
I hurried along the coridor. My hart was thumping in my throwt. ‘Thanks, LittelBaby,’ I wispered. ‘Your so clever.’ My bag bumped on my back with all those stowlen things. I was brething hard. This was it. No going back. I woud have to leve strait awey. Uther wise Tracy woud tell them she dident need the cottern wool and that it was a lie what I had said.
Then, I coudent bileve it, but Zoe stopped me as I was pushing opern the glars dor to leve. ‘Sally-Anne, a werd,’ she called. I went over to her. ‘Your jue date is a week from tomorro,’ she said, ‘so from tomorro I woud like you to start staying here over night, jus in case you go in to laber.’
‘Ok,’ I said. Anuther contracshun was starting but with a super human effert I manijed to smiol niceley. ‘Shall I bring my nightie…and my tooth brush?’ My hart was thumping so hard I thort I woud drop down ded.
‘You bring what ever you like, Sally-Anne,’ she said, ‘but you know we also prervide evry thing you coud need.’
I practicly ran all the way to Duncans flat. The contracshuns were becoming all most unbareable. Luckerly thogh there were gaps in bitween them so I coud have rests from the pane.
Duncan terned up soon arfter, as I had phoned him. He had a shoe box. It was luvley. Big and quite strong. ‘Carry cot,’ he said with a smiol.
‘Thank you, Duncan,’ I said, tuched. I pored him some tea. He is a sweet persen. Often pepol dont think he is, as thay think he looks like a bit of a thug with his funny hare stile and his weerd tattoos what were done by a drunken and wastid artist. But onist, he is a kind persen. And he makes me laugh, and laugh. I took owt the blankits from my bag, and tucked them into the shoe box. It looked really luvley, like a rele baby bed. I sihged looking at it. It was so sweet. I tried to magine what LittelBaby Sprinkles woud look like in it. I dident really know, but I thort she woud look sweet, really sweet.
‘Have you got the stuff then?’ arsked Duncan.
‘Yeh, yeh, I have,’ I said. ‘Baby gros and cottern wool and wipes and stuff.’
It was completley dark by then. We left the flat and walked and walked, along the coast rode. ‘It dident seem this far the uther day,’ I said. I was so tiyerd. I kept having to stop and hold on to the metel ralings, looking owt to sea and groning.
‘Come on, Sally-Anne,’ he kept saying. ‘You can do it, we need to get there, Iyuv got the key.’
‘But it herts, Duncan,’ I said, fiyuling desprit. The pane was terribel. I coud hardly walk. It felt like there was a grate preshur bitween my legs, like the baby was going to shoot owt. I was walking along with my legs apart. Lucky it was dark as I must of looked like a duck wodderling along.
‘Come on,’ he said to me. ‘You can do it. We gotta get there.’
He had a plastic bag over his arm with a bottel of water, a towel, a slepeing bag, some tea bags, and a bag of pop corn. ‘Come on, Sally-Anne,’ he pleedid, as I stopped to rest again, a wave of pane shuddering thrugh me. ‘If thay find us, thayull get the baby of you.’
That made me rush. I all most ran, but not quite. I pushed my self to follow him. We reched the car park. It was empty. We entered the sandy lane and went thrugh the gorse bushis and brackern to wards the row of beach huts. It was only abowt seven therty, but it was pitch black. ‘Dont wurry,’ said Duncan, ‘Iyuv broght a torch, and a slepeing bag and some tea. Weyull be warm as towst.’
I startid losing it then, and hardly member eny of the next two or three awers. I was owt of my fase. Triping all most. I do member holding the worn rale, going up the woodern steps, the flaky paint coming of in my hand. I member moning and groning. I member not being comfterbel eny way I moved. Not on my back, not neeling up, not holding on to the cubberd. It was horribel. Agerny. I carnt discribe it to you eny uther way.
I member Duncan poring tea into a mug and handing it to me. I took two sips and then ran to the sink to throw up. My boddy coudent cope with eating or drinking eny thing. It had to do this job it had to do wich was getting the baby owt. The gaps bitween waves of pane were so small now, it was like one long pane. Jus pane, pane, pane and no way owt. I thrashed abowt and yelled. And then scremed. I member thinking its not fare that wimin have to do this and men dont ever have to do it. I wished I had been born a boy, not a gerl.
Then, I jus scremed and threw my self arownd, trying to iscape the pane. ‘I carnt stand it, I carnt stand it eny more,’ I yelled.
‘Shoud I phone for help?’ Duncan arsked.
‘Yes, no, yes…no…I dont know,’ I cried. I cried and cried and coudent here him eny more. I saw him on his phone but I dident care. The dor blew opern arfter a wiol. I coud hardly see, but I knew uther pepol had come in. I was neeling up on the slepeing bag, clinging on to the cubberd. Some one put a brething thing over my fase. Anuther persen, a nerse I think, tolled me to push, hard. I said I was pushing hard. ‘No your not, your not pushing at all. You have to try really hard, like you need to have a very big poo.’ I kind of got it arfter that and startid to push like I was having a big poo. Arfter a fiew times, I felt a very strong stinging pane, and the nerse said, ‘yes, jus like that, one more, you can do it’ and I pushed again and there was a flobberling fiyuling and I knew I had done it and the baby was owt. The nerse cut the cord and I jus lay back on the flor and shut my eyes. Then the uther nerse talked to me, and helped me and washed my fase and held my hand.
I dident realise, but as soon as that cord was cut the ferst nerse took the baby owt of the dor and left with her. I never even got to see her. I never even got to tuch her, or speke to her, or cuddel her.