BTW, I now have a pic of Sally-Anne for you. I love the way the baby is glowing from within.
I sat there moning and sobbing and shaking. I gave berth to the plasenta, a mucky, derty bisness if ever there was one. I was sitting in blud, it was vile. I was starting to realise what had happerned. ‘Wheres my baby?’ I sobbed. ‘I want my baby.’
‘Thay…thayuv taken the baby,’ Duncan said. He took my hand and kissed it. He kept looking at me. He looked really sad. I lay back again and tears jus stremed down my fase. ‘We dident manige, did we, Duncan?’ I waled.
‘You tried your best,’ he said. I dozed again, I coudent move, I felt like I had run a hundred miols. It was still dark in the hut. There was one lantern, and Duncan had hung up his torch. It was swinging arownd, carsting shadows arownd the small space. I felt like a por hert animal, crowched in the corner on the bludy sleeping bag. No boddy seemed to have much pity for me. ‘You shoudent of run of like that,’ scoldid the nerse. ‘Its dangerus to try to give berth by your self. You coud of dide.’
‘I might as well of dide,’ I said, ‘if I carnt have my baby.’ My fase crumpeled up again, and I wept and wept. I bled in to the slepeing bag, and sat in a cold puddel of blud. Duncan broght me paper to mop my self up. I shuved it under me and clung to him, leving bludy smeres on his shirt.
‘Theres a car coming,’ said the nerse, looking at her phone. ‘Weyull get you up to the car park in a jiffy as soon as the porters give us a hand.’
‘I carnt move,’ I said. I never wantid to move again. I wantid to die. I coudent bare it. It was not fare. I wantid to tell evry one that it wasant fare, but I knew that no boddy woud lisen to Silly Sally. No boddy ever lisened to me, because I wasant clever. I knew that was rong. Some times clever pepol shoud lisen to pepol like me, because may be some times we are right. I knew that I loved that baby more, much more than the pepol she was going to. That baby woud have a better life with me, because I loved her. I woud never leve her with a nanny. I woud never send her to school bifore she was redy. I woud never send her of to bording school awey from me. I woud all weys be there for her, and love her, and do eny thing and evry thing for her and with her. I thort I woud sob my hart owt. Duncan had boyled the kettel, and broght me a cup of tea, with no milk. I slerped it grate fully. It made me feel a teensy tiny bit better.
Then two berly porters from the center nocked on the dor. Thay had seen the light shining owt of the windo. ‘Come on then, lets get you back to the center,’ one of them said. Thay had broght a hold all with sanitery pads and baggy jogging botterms and a big hoodie. Thay went owt side on to the decking and shut the dor wiol I got dressed. Evry thing took a long time as I was slo and sad and shaking. I thort may be from now on I woud never be happy again. I knew it.
Duncan was not invitid to come in the car with us. I arrived back at the center. The recepshunist looked at me. The night cleners looked at me. Evry one was staring. Lucky it was night so there were not too meny pepol arownd or I woudent of been abel to bare it. I was led to a bed in the observashun ward. A nerse came and took my blud presher, and my tempricher. She tucked me up, and pattid my arm. ‘Come on,’ she said quiertly. ‘Its not that bad. Youll be pade in a cuple of days. Magine that!’
‘I dont want…stupid muny,’ I wispered. ‘What is muny? Its jus paper. I jus wantid to kepe my baby.’
‘Truth is, pet,’ she said, ‘it never was your baby. You have to exept that. The job states that very clere.’
I dozed. I dremed of all the horrers that had happerned that day and night. The fere, the running, the pane, the loss, the crying. I also re lived moments that I had missed erlier. I saw Duncan opern the dor of the hut. I was crowched in the corner moning with my hed down, but as he opernd it, I liftid my hed jus enugh to catch the nerse who came in saying ‘Fancy seeing you here,’ and giving him a winck.
Did I dreme that or not? And did I magine this: the uther nerse, in a lo voice said, ‘Thanks, Duncan,’ and the next bit was only brethed, but I think my hering was extra good with all the adrenlin or some thing because it was clere even thrugh my moning, ‘We knew we woud be abel to cownt on you.’
What did this mene? I wundered. Coud it really be that Duncan was going to call them all along? Had thay arsked him to spy on me? I membered that it was Nerse Janit who had arsked me to fetch her donuts on that very ferst day I met Duncan. Did this mene that are hole friend ship coud be fake? I dident know. I jus dident know. The saspishun of it made me very sad thogh because Duncan had made me happy. I had thort I had a rele friend. Now I felt like may be I had no friend, and no baby.
I cried again when I thort of Duncan calling the baby Sprinkels. Was he jus acting like he liked me? He mus be a good acter then. More teres fell as I thort of us darnsing on the beach. Had he jus bene prertending to like darnsing? I thort abowt how sollid Duncan had felt when I squished his arms and showlders in my hands. He had felt so rele. I fell aslepe thinking that if Duncan was fake then the hole werld was fake and nuthing woud ever be rele or right again.
At abowt four in the morning I startid awake. All the things wich had happerned came fludding back in on me like an oshun of dispare. I had to go for a wee. It was so pane full. It stung. A nerse herd my crying and came and showed me how to por warm water over me at the same time as weeing so it woudent sting. She led me back to bed and tucked me up again. She gave me brest pads for my brests as thay were hard and sore, and leking milk.
I tried to slepe again but I coudent. I tossed and terned. Suddernly, a warm hand was on mine. I startid up with a jolt. ‘Sshhh,’ said a voice, in a wisper. ‘Its me, Duncan.’